The FAWNSKIN FLYER Volume 1 Issue 4 July 22, 2005

Volume 1 Issue 4 July 22, 2005
Not Necessarily News for Fawnskin, California
Priceless when posted! Otherwise .25¢

In This Issue:
Fawnskin Flyer “In the Toilet”
July & August Fawnskin Events
Fawnskin Gets The Toilet Bowl Brush Off
Dunkin’ Donuts in Fawnskin?
Bad Behavior: Merchant Poop

Fawnskin Flyer “In the Toilet”
This week the Fawnskin Flyer has really gone in the toilet. When we said get the scoop or the poop–we didn’t mean it literally!

Anyway, we hope you are having a good time with our silliness. For those of you who are wondering, the final count for Issue 2 was 70! This week’s sponsors are anonymous. They did ask that the issue be affectionately dedicated to Cyrus and Luna–and so it is!

Please call the tip line and keep us informed of the latest and greatest scuttlebutt and news around town.

Remember, we won’t be malicious–but we will be interesting. This rag isn’t meant to be taken seriously but just to be fun and useful to all.

Get the Fawnskin Flyer for .25 cents at the exclusive distributor, the Fawnskin Market. You can read the daily version online via the link at (I will be moving it to a new domain in August.)

The UPS Store is generously assisting publication. Sponsor the printed issue for $15 or a $50 bucks for the month. It won’t be anything fancy, but it is cheap! Just give Guerrero Ink a call (800) 818-7387 if you
if you are interested–or write a check!

Thanks for your support!
Diana L. Guerrero

Public restrooms are located in the triangle area of town. Look for the deer statues and you’ll find the facilities in the building nearby.

Necessary Numbers:
All are (909) area code unless listed otherwise.
Fire Station 49 866-4878
Arson Line (800) 468-4408
Forestry Officer 866-3437 x2810
Fish & Game Tips (888) 334-2258
Solar Observatory 866-5791
Discovery Center 866-3437
Camp Whittle 866-3000
Serrano Campground 866-8550
Fishing Licenses 866-9464
Fawnskin Market (Bait & Adventure Passes) 866-9543
Moose Lodge 2085 866-3013
Post Office 866-3245

Fawnskin Flyer Tipline:
Fawnskin Flyer Sponsorship:
1-800-818-7387are interested–or write a check!

Fawnskin Events
There is a whole lot going on here in Fawnskin. I’ve included select events here. Visit the online issue for a complete list with details/times.

July 23, 2005
Beat the Heat at Moose Lodge

July 30-31, 2005
Loggers Jubilee in Fawnskin

July 30, 2005
Doo Dah Parade in Fawnskin

July 31, 2005
Fawnskin Festival at Moose Lodge

August 1, 2005
Fawnskin Chamber at BBARWA

August 7, 2005
Zoo Fundraiser at Inn at Fawnskin

August 8, 2005
Community Potluck at Fawn Harbor

August 9, 2005
Big Bear Chamber in Fawnskin

August 19-20, 2005
Moose Lodge Camp Out

August 27, 2005
Summer Picnic at Fawn Harbor

August 27-28, 2005
Seda Demo Days at Northshore Trading Company

Fawnskin Gets the Toilet Bowl Brush Off
Mountain Peeves by Colleen Nuzzo
Call the Tidy Bowl Man because this week’s column is “flushing out” some of the poop around Fawnskin. We hope you get a good laugh from our bathroom humor. Anyway, noise over the alleged filthy conditions of the triangle’s public restrooms prompted a full investigation. An inspection of the facilities found them adequately stocked with sanicovers and toilet paper. In fact, the abundance of toilet paper prompted someone to “store” the excess in one of the toilets. My call to the maintenance company hasn’t been returned, yet, but I hope to get to the “bottom” of this. It will drive me crazy if I don’t find out why the garbage bags hang off the door handle and a pipe. Kinda makes the Fawnskin public image a bit trashy.

Other trashy news: Rumors that Dana Park is supposed to get critter proof trash bins have not been substantiated. Lori at the Park District office graciously supplied a copy of the proposed budget for 2005-2006, but it was not enlightening. There was no itemization for each burg. According to Lori, the areas are just lumped together and the funds are allocated for each category where “they” see fit. “They” are on a tight budget, you know. Tim Millington, the Maint-an-ass (Publisher’s note: The in-the-toilet-type not the personality type.) head, confirmed the policy, and said the budget has not yet been approved at the County Supervisor’s level. He did mention that Dana Park was going to receive the discounted version of the trash receptacles soon. Hmm.

Now, seems to me that Dana Park deserves some of those nice fancy cans promised to Captain John, but they reportedly went to Meadow Park, home of the Park District’s offices. Jest don’t seem fair to me that beautiful Fawnskin is treated like the proverbial red-headed step child in these parts.

Dunkin’ Donuts
Contrary to you deepest wishes, Dunkin’ Donuts is not coming to Fawnskin but we do have an amusing story on this one.

To reward the hard working volunteers at the Post Office garden party (weed pulling), a thoughtful individual delivered a box of donuts. The leftovers were delivered to the Post Office for other residents with sweet tooths. Somehow, the remainders ended up in the office of one of our local dieters. (He is striving to reach a specific goal by mid-November.)

His chief aid in the dietary process is his loving wife, who apparently dropped by to visit unannounced. The dieter, in his rush to hide the forbidden food, dumped them in the most logical place–down the toilet. This probably wouldn’t have been so bad EXCEPT for the fact that they were donut bars. Big logs (so to speak).

Anyway, the next morning, his unsuspecting colleague found a large donut box shoved into her trash can, revealing a food fetish and that a violation of the diet occurred. She surmised that the wife had arrived unexpectedly. The colleague then placed the box where it rightfully belonged–in the dieter’s waste bin. When she eventually ventured into the bathroom, she retreated in horror at the sight of a full toilet bowl with “dark floaters.” However, noticing the lack of offensive odor, she just had to go back to investigate. (My question is, WHY?)

How she had the presence of mind to snap a couple of photo–I’ll never know–but you can view one now! When the culprit was confronted, he declined to comment on the wife hypothesis but said that he assumed the logs would disintegrate. Unfortunately, they instead swelled up to enormous and gross proportions. His wife, informed of the discovery said, “Did you call Diana?” And that, is the story of the Fawnskin Dunking Donuts.

Bad Behavior
I didn’t realize how popular this section would be! This week’s issue is already in the toilet so I thought I would share one more related story.

At a recent Fawnskin gathering, a valley merchant revealed her tale. A tourist begged her to use the facilities and, against policy, she let him. Later she discovered that the toilet stopped up. She called the plumber, who retrieved a pair of men’s shorts filled with…err..“a wad.” She speculated that the trip up the mountain roads literally “scared the shit out of him” (a direct quote) and that he was too embarrassed to let his fellow companions know. In an attempt to save face, he “dumped the load” by shoving it down into the neck of the commode. This bad behavior is why merchants don’t want to let visitors use their toilets.

FYI: There are many more toilet stories I won’t share!

BTW: Keep those stories coming and look for the next printed issue each Friday. Don’t forget to call if you want to sponsor an issue or help with the DAILY online version.

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