The FAWNSKIN FLYER Volume 1 Issue 8August 19, 2005

The FAWNSKIN FLYER
Volume 1 Issue 8 August 19, 2005

Not Necessarily News for Fawnskin, California
Priceless when posted! Otherwise .25¢

Inside This Issue
Fawnskin Flyer: Who Knew?
August & September Events
Mountain Folk Dating Criteria
Bad Behavior
Fawnskin Fashion

Fawnskin Flyer
You know this whole thing started as a joke. My new phrase is, “Who knew?” This is the eighth print issue and I’ve posted over sixty five online.

Last week the Fawnskin Flyer attracted readers from all over the valley due to a mention in one of the local news outlets. People across the nation also come in regularly to see what is new and silly.

View the Fawnskin Flyer online, drop by to read more interesting stuff and to view photos submitted by residents at http://www.fawnskinflyer.com.

I am accepting sponsors for the printed issue or you can buy advertising online, it won’t be anything fancy, but it is cheap! Just give Guerrero Ink a call (800) 818-7387 if you

TOWN TIPS
Public restrooms are located in the triangle area of town. Look for the deer statues and you’ll find the facilities in the building nearby.

Necessary Numbers:
All are (909) area code unless listed otherwise.
Fire Station 49 866-4878
Arson Line (800) 468-4408
Forestry Officer 866-3437 x2810
Fish & Game Tips (888) 334-2258
Solar Observatory 866-5791
Discovery Center 866-3437
Camp Whittle 866-3000
Serrano Campground 866-8550
Fishing Licenses 866-9464
Fawnskin Market (Bait & Adventure Passes) 866-9543
Moose Lodge 2085 866-3013
Post Office 866-3245

Fawnskin Flyer Tip Line:
Fawnskin Flyer Sponsorship:
1-800-818-7387 are interested–or write a check!

Please call the tip line or email from the site to keep us informed of the latest, greatest scuttlebutt and news around town.

Remember, we won’t be malicious–but we will be interesting. This rag isn’t meant to be taken seriously but just to be fun and useful to all.

Get the Fawnskin Flyer for .25 cents at the exclusive distributor, the Fawnskin Market.

Thanks for your support!
Diana L. Guerrero

Fawnskin Events
There is a whole lot going on here in Fawnskin. Visit the online issue for links to a more complete list with additional details/times.

August 20, 2005
Horseshoe Tournament BBQ
Moose Camp Out at Grays Peak

August 25, 2005
North Shore Improvement Assoc.

August 27, 2005
Summer Picnic at Fawn Harbor

August 27-28, 2005
Seda Demo Days at North Shore Trading Company

September 5, 2005
Fawnskin Chamber Meeting

September 12, 2005
NSIA Community Potluck

September 14, 2005
Joseph’s Table Dinner

Dating Criteria
Okay, many of you know that I have been querying other folks about what they consider essential dating criteria. I don’t date much because my criteria is pretty high–-contrary to the belief of my friends who live off the mountain. Those flatlanders insist that my criteria has fallen to a new low!

Anyway, here are a few points I gleaned from residents around the valley about the mountain’s dating criteria.

Thom said that his first minimum criteria is that people have their teeth! This was foreign to me until I started observing a number of people with rotting, black, missing or broken teeth. Across the board, this one keeps coming up for men and women. Maybe it should be rephrased to, “must have good hygiene.” You know, big stuff like brushing the hair, cleaning the teeth and using deodorant. Contrary to some belief systems, bathing really is good. Just think, you are more likely to get a date as a result!

Next, Loni says to make sure that they don’t live with their mother. I thought that was a given, but this goes along with being gainfully employed (self-employment is okay and a good job is really promising). What I didn’t ask is if this criteria excludes people who are taking care of their parents. Does it?

My bookstore pals insist that I make sure that anyone I date understands more than a two syllable word. If you laugh at this, think again. Educational degrees are not always necessary but communication skills are important–-so a good vocabulary and a sharp mind made the list.

No substance abuse of any kind. This means no addictions like drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or chewing tobacco. I didn’t get the clarification if a recovery status of ten years or more counts, or if chocolate addictions are included in this category.

Needs to have a vehicle that requires a driver’s license. Don’t laugh, this one came up after a bicyclist consistently “hit” on a local resident. The car/motorcycle doesn’t have to be a new mode– but it does have to run. The operator must have a valid driver’s license. Not having a license usually means trouble somewhere.

Single in every sense of the word. This means not living with the opposite sex, divorced status (preferably a year or more) and not seriously seeing someone else.

Some people insist that the family status be similar. For instance, no kids, kids over a certain age, or kids the same age for a matched set.

Now, I’ve been thinking about other points that have come up in conversation. Is it really necessary to outline that a person NOT be in anger management classes, on probation running from a warrant or pending trial?

What about spiritual affiliations? Do we need to list that they need to accept yours or not be fanatics?

Perhaps I am off base and these thoughts enter into the next level of criteria. My worry is that if we list too much, the singletons around here won’t ever get a date!

Share your views on this–bend my ear or comment online!

Bad Behavior
This week I ran into some former valley residents having dinner with a couple of Fawnskin residents. They informed me of a recent visitor who allowed their child to eliminate right in someone’s front yard! They also lamented (sarcastically) that they missed the dirty diapers and other deposits people used to leave on the roadside in front of their homes up here.

I’ve experienced people who brought their animals onto my property to defecate and urinate thinking that the acreage was fair game–and that they could just do as they pleased–without cleaning up.

I know the altitude oxygen depravation is a challenge and that many brains cease to work because of it–-but this is just too much.

Finally, I was additionally mortified to hear similar stories from other residents, including one who came home to regularly find people playing in her yard and sitting on her porch! She began asking people for their addresses so she could come and invade their homes and muck up their yards!

These actions violate trespassing and littering laws, so maybe we should set up booby traps in our yards and on our porches…

Fawnskin Fashion
This week’s fashion award goes to a local resident in dire need of java. It seems she went out very early–expecting to not run into anyone. Ultimately, it was a disaster. Her excursion to the coffee vendor was done in her pajamas sans any undergarments or social niceties, like brushed hair–-you get the picture. Much to her chagrin, she ran into several clients and acquaintances–and swears that she won’t do this again. Since hearing that story, many other women have shared that they also run around during the early morning hours in the same attire!



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One Response to “The FAWNSKIN FLYER Volume 1 Issue 8August 19, 2005

  • 1
    David
    August 20th, 2005 06:12

    No one notices when I go out without combing my hair, hmmm
    or maybe they do and are just too polite to say so.

    Happy weekend ( of work)